So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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