I want to have your abortion
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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