I'm jealous of your bromance
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
