I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
tell me about the eggs
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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