Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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