I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
