Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
