I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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