a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
