AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
