Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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