I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
