dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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