Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
