I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
