Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
