just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
