I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
