Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
