i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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