I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
