thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
