i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
