I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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