The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
