M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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