Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
