this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
