Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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