i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
