the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
