Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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