in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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