Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
