his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
