I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
