my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
