i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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