Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
