don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
