I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
