Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
