Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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