Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
