Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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