I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
