oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
