he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
