i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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