the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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