I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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