please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
