"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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