Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
